Thailand – Day 8 – ‘Envy comes from peoples’ ignorance of, or lack of belief in, their own gifts’ – Jean Vanier

I won’t lie the last few weeks before I left on vacation were trying, stressful and left me beaten down and exhausted.
I was determined to leave no work behind, no disc un-mailed and every email replied to.
The next question you may ask, did I succeed? The answer is no.
I am a self proclaimed work-aholic – just ask my husband. I eat, breathe and live for Just For You Photography. Countless hours marketing, researching, socializing with other photographers and always critiquing myself hoping to become better, sharper, more efficient. I can almost bring myself to tears doing so, which is what happened before I left on vacation. I found that I did not live up to my own expectations which in the world of Becky is a big no-no.
I left behind an engagement session, a wedding and a family portrait session all half complete. 3 albums incomplete. One disc failed to make it to the post office (granted I didn’t have a mailing address). Many emails sat in my inbox, many boudoir inquiries left unanswered. One hard-drive recovery mission unsuccessful. My body ached. My brain was fried. My creative side completely drained, concepts non-exsistant and my innovative thinking at an all time low
The end result? A miserable, unhappy Becky, and one very defeated photographer.

As I sit here on top of the hills of Thailand, I can see specks of light across the ocean which remind me where I am. What I have. Who I have become and where I am going. After only 8 days and 23 hours of travelling I am itching to get home, to the madness, the anxiety, the late hours, the constant work, thrill and excitement I receive from what I do. In only a short time I have been able to remind myself how lucky I am, and how much I truly love what I do. I wake up everyday itching to let my creative side go, I have a list in my head of concepts and shoots I desperately want to shoot. I feel brand new.

The reason I wrote this blog post wasn’t to complain, but to share with you all who I am, how I tick and I hope to do it a bit more. I am a passionate person, every ounce of who I am is reflected in my photos. The album titles are taken from songs (normally) which I love. Music inspires me, art drives me forward and love is the end result. I feel rejuvenated finally. I feel ready to take on so much new work and catch up on old. Many times I have flipped open my laptop just to scroll through old photos, to see how I have grown, and to appreciate where I came from. The positive is back, the negative is gone.

I have realized that sometimes you have to take time away from what you love to remind ourselves why we love what we do. Let me tell you, that love has been rekindled.

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Amy - December 27, 2010 - 2:33 pm

wow….you have such a creative mind and your talent really does show. I can’t wait to work with you again.

Jewell Ferraraccio - December 26, 2010 - 5:32 am

I really liked your blog! It helped me alot…

autism symptoms - December 22, 2010 - 7:22 pm

this post is very usefull thx!

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